laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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