The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
