I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
