four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
