i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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