That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
