Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
