Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
