"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
