Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
