I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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