There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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