Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
