you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
