We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
