Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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