if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
