i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
