talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
third nipple confirmed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
