my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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