she woke up with a sticky ear
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
