What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
