6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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