i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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