So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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