So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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