biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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