Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
