the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
