Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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