I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
