There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
