I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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