ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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