I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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