My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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