I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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