i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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