I looked at my own cervix.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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