fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
