k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
