My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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