if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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