is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
4 words: hood of his car
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
