everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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