I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
