I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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