dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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