I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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