I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
