Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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