yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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