You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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