hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
