You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
