It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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