I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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