So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
