I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
