he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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