I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
