Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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