i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
