what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
